


Fox Cop-uli

by IronicSnap



Series: H&H - A Story of Deep Friendships and Fun Crimes [2]
Category: Sly Cooper (Video Games), Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Epistolary, Gen, Pen Pals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2018-10-25 03:32:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronicSnap/pseuds/IronicSnap
Summary: Nick and Carmelita begin a long-distance correspondence. Just two fox cops being friendly clods.





	1. Nick, Nicknamer

**Author's Note:**

> oh my GOD this style is so liberating! Dialogue's the only fun part of writing, anyway! Prose? Description??? WHO NEEDS IT  
> Um, so,  
> This is, technically speaking, a direct sequel to my story "Of Heists and Hustles", but it's moreso just me experimenting with a new style and destressing by writing some good old fashioned banter.  
> Enjoy?

_**[WildeN has logged on]** _

Uh, hey?

  * **Nick! Hey there**



Hi, Carmelita  
Sorry for the silence. Never had a penpal before, wasn't sure where to start  
Of course, that didn't stop Carrots from jumping right in  
as usual

  * **Yes, I've been enjoying her e-mails!**
  * **But I've never used the instant messaging feature before**



It's what I'm more comfortable with  
If you don't mind it!

  * **Hey, try new things, right?**



Yeah  
Something like that  
So!  
Hope I didn't catch you at a bad time or anything  
It must be getting late where you are, if I'm reading the timezones right

  * **You are. Just finishing up some work in the office.**



Oh  
...I'm not distracting you, am I?

  * **No, no! It's nice having someone to talk to, actually**
  * **It's not like there's anyone else here**



Oh god, you're the last one there?!  
Wait, what am I saying  
of course you are

  * **Yeah**
  * **As usual**



I just  
Your work ethic is terrifying

  * **No rest for the wicked**
  * **And I keep the wicked down**
  * **So no rest for me**



...I'm not sure that's how that works

  * **Seems that way to me**



Well, alright  
Speaking of the wicked, any word yet from our... mutual "friend"?

  * **No. Nothing yet.**



Jeez. I think I felt the air in your office get colder from here  
He really is a jerk

  * **He...**
  * **yeah**
  * **okay**
  * **he's a bit of a jerk**
  * **sometimes**



"sometimes"

  * **But he's changed. He'll get in touch soon, I know it**
  * **Yes, Nick, sometimes**



"sometimes"

  * **Stop**



okay

  * **Look, it's a little too late at night**
  * **I don't want to talk about him right now**



Right  
Sorry for asking

  * **Don't worry about it**
  * **I know Judy's curious too**
  * **Just not now**



Of course  
Again, sorry

  * **Again, forget about it**
  * **So, is there something else you want to talk about?**



As a matter of fact, there is.  
An issue of some urgency.  
Inspector Fox, let me be direct.

  * **Oh?**



There's something we need to address if this correspondence is going to continue.

  * **Nick, what's the problem?**



I have to work out what your nickname is gonna be!

  * **...**
  * **what**



Everybody I talk to gets a nickname. It's one of my many lovable quirks  
You may have noticed how I call Judy "Carrots"?

  * **yes**



Well, she's not the only one  
My old hustling buddy was Big Guy, Clawhauser is Sprinkles, Chief Bogo is Buff (but I don't use that in front of him, obviously)  
Heck, I decided on one for our mutual friend - "Stripes"

  * **i see**



Yeah, spur of the moment  
That's the thing  
Has to be organic  
"Carrots" was a quick jab that just stuck  
But for some reason, during all the time we worked together, nothing popped out at me for yours

  * **Right**
  * **Do you think there might be a particular reason for that?**



Uh, well  
Heh, it might just be 'cause you're kinda scary :P

  * **Nick**



Yes?

  * **You don't think that maybe that's intentional?**



What? The scariness?

  * **I find it helps maintain a certain**
  * **professional distance**



So you're saying  
no-one's EVER given you a fun nickname?

  * **Yes**
  * **That is what I'm saying**



... that's tragic  
Very well!

  * **Wait what**



The situation is more dire than I imagined  
I'm gonna really have to think of something topnotch  
Pressure's on now  
But that's where I thrive B)

  * **Nick**
  * **This is childish**
  * **Knock it off**



I don't know if you can really take the high road, Inspector

  * **Excuse me?**



How exactly do you explain "Ringtail", huh?

  * **That's**
  * **different**
  * **That began as a calculated tactic**
  * **I believed, psychologically, Cooper would respond well to**
  * **how to put this**
  * **a certain amount of**
  * **controlled**
  * **warmth**



...Sure  
Suuuuure

  * **shut up**



Okay, okay  
I'm shutting up  
Let me say, though

  * **no**



that "Ringtail" is actually A+ as far as nicknames go  
Way better than "Stripes"

  * **oh**



I salute your skills

  * **um**
  * **...thanks**
  * **I am proud of it, actually**
  * **Like you said, it was... organic**



Absolutely  
Just as YOURS will be  
once I think of it

  * **-_-**



That's the spirit!


	2. Chronic Brainfreeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look at that, after six months I actually continued it  
> guess I got stressed again Ha Ha

**_ [CMFox has logged on] _ **

Hey! All good?

  * **Hi, Nick. Everything's fine! I'm just working on today's mountain of paperwork**



Heh, I hear that  
It's lunchtime here!

  * **?**
  * **Then why are you at your desk?**



Inspector, I'm affronted! Affronted, I say!  
You don't think I might be spending my lunch break hard at work?  
Like the dedicated officer of the law I am?

  * **No, you're right**
  * **That's very plausible**
  * **I mean, you must be hopelessly behind on your paperwork all the time, right?**



WELL  
Here I was, about to say I've been working EVEN HARDER after being inspired by your terrifying example  
and you MOCK me  
i have no WORDS

  * **:)**



>:c

  * **Forgive my police instincts, but you managed to dodge the question**
  * **Why are you at your desk?**



Ah, right.  
See, the weather is AWFUL today  
Like, almost torrential  
I'm more than a little concerned that Carrots might blow away on a strong wind  
(those ears are like sails)  
Luckily, we both had food on hand  
so instead of going out, we're having an office picnic!

  * **Oh, that's lovely!**
  * **Sorry to hear about the weather. It doesn't make shifts any easier**



Eh. We're getting by  
But we're trying to minimize our time outdoors

  * **Of course**
  * **Not to rub it in, but it's gorgeous here**
  * **A beautiful 22 degrees today**



In summer?! How cold does winter get?!?!

  * **...Celsius, Nick. Celsius.**



oh  
obviously  
...tell no-one of this

  * **I'll keep quiet**
  * **Though the next time a hacker tries bypassing our firewall, I can't guarantee they won't leak your embarrassing failures to the world**



Gee, that's a cheery thought. Guess I better watch what I say.  
I told Carrots I was talking to you  
and now she's waving at my computer  
like a DORK

  * **Awh! Well, tell her I'm waving back**



Are you?

  * **I am if it makes her feel better**



That's real sw  
//  
ghgf  
look at me i'm nick wilde there's a halfmetled pawspicle where my brain should be

  * **Hah!**



lgjkfuhdy  
,  
,  
,  
I'm sorry, Carrots stole the keyboard  
to mock my very serious medical condition  
Chronic Brainfreeze is no laughing matter

  * **I'd make some joke about how you got overpowered by a bunny**
  * **but the bunny in question is Judy, so it doesn't count**



Yeah, it's just a fact of life at this point  
Grass grows, the sun shines, and Judy Hopps is a force of nature  
using her limitless strength for EVIL

  * **Truly terrifying**
  * **Um**
  * **Forgive me for asking this, but**
  * **/are/ you handling your paperwork okay?**



Uh, yes?

  * **Good, good. I just wanted to check**
  * **All things considered we haven't known each other long**
  * **I'm just concerned that - especially over text - I might say something in jest that actually hurts your feelings**



HAH  
concerned about other people's feelings  
like a BIG NERD  
^That, for the record, is the level of ribbing I think we're at

  * **Thanks, good to know :p**



Honestly you could say pretty much anything to me and I'd take it  
You're the Interpol inspector  
I'm the idiot who never knows what he's doing

  * **Stow that talk, soldier**
  * **You're a great cop and can't pretend otherwise**



Thanks

  * **And if you keep being a self-deprecating moron, I'll get Judy to punch you on my behalf**
  * **Don't think I won't**



Heh. Good to know.  
Although you might have some trouble  
she dropped a carrot stick between her desk and the wall and tried to get it and now her paw is stuck

  * **Oh**



"It's LITTERING to leave it there, Nick!"  
this is my partner  
hero cop judy hopps

  * **...How do you two ever get any work done?**



Y'know, Chief Bogo wonders the same thing


	3. Foxtrot Foxtrot Sierra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my christmas gift to you is more fox dorkiness

_**[CMFox has logged on]** _

  * **UGH**



Uh, hey  
Everything alright?

  * **Nick I don't want to distract you**
  * **but if you're willing to hear some GARBAGE**



oh heck yes

  * **I'd really appreciate having a - okay, great, thank you**



Any time! Hit me with The Gossip

  * **so, basically**
  * **we're collaborating with this hotshot inspector from overseas**
  * **Real egoist**



fantastic

  * **They always are**
  * **Law enforcement is one of those careers where people develop real attitude problems**
  * **(watch out for that)**



._.

  * **But get this**
  * **he was told to keep me abreast of all developments via email**
  * **fine**
  * **except despite how I CLEARLY introduced myself as Inspector Carmelita MONTOYA Fox**



like you always do

  * **He managed t- LIKE I ALWAYS DO**
  * **He managed to somehow take down my email address as ""CNFox"**
  * **N, as in November**
  * **so the IDIOT has been sending important updates ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE**
  * **I MISSED TWO DAYS OF INFO BECAUSE OF THIS JACKASS**
  * **MY USERNAME IS FIVE LETTERS LONG HOW DO YOU MESS THIS UP!!**



Dear god

  * **I WANT TO PUNCH HIM**



Can you?

  * **NO I'LL GET IN TROUBLE**



Can you... secretly punch him?

  * **DO NOT TEMPT ME**



Heh!  
Yeah, that's moronic  
Has he given you any other trouble?

  * **Nothing unusual**
  * **Typical level of macho bull**
  * **He happens to be a horse, but you know what I mean**



I do.

  * **Honestly**
  * **I purposefully chose the most concise, simple email address possible...**



Right?  
Bogo makes us all use Surname-First Initial  
which is boring  
but I don't mind too much, cause "WildeN" sounds awesome  
like a vampire or something

  * **Heh, yeah**



Modern, but classy  
Not too far in either direction  
Wilden keeps up with the changing times but maintains that old-world gothic flair

  * **...Are**
  * **you writing vampire fiction based on your email address**



Heck yeah I am

  * **You amaze me, Nicholas Wilde**
  * **You seem so cool on paper**
  * **yet the more you reveal of yourself**
  * **the more it becomes evident that you are a huge dork**



Joke all you want, Carmelita  
Wilden's licentious adventures are going to make me rich  
Kits these days love their vampires

  * **I think that was kits a considerable number of days ago, actually**



Oh?  
So what's the latest trend?

  * **I don't know**
  * **Obnoxious music?**



That's every generation

  * **Disrespecting law and order?**



carmelita no

  * **E-cigarettes?**



Ah, that sounds about right  
That and acting silly on the Internet  
Speaking of!

**_ [WildeN has changed username to: OfficerBlueberry] _ **

  * **Well, well**
  * **Desperate to stay hip, Wilde?**



Give me some credit, Carmelita! I'm naturally young at heart, that's all  
_**[OfficerBlueberry has changed username to: FoxyHustler]**_

  * **evidently**



:)  
Um, I hesitate to bring this up

  * **If you have a question, ask it.**
  * **I value honesty in any relationship**



Thanks  
I just - this dumb jerk you're dealing with  
Has he given you any trouble over being a fox?

  * **Well**
  * **I don't think so**
  * **It's hard to tell sometimes**



yeah

  * **but like I said, it's just the usual stuff**



Okay. Good to hear

  * **I won't pretend my experience is perfect**
  * **I've had some rough moments because of my species, but mostly it's awkwardness**
  * **at worst**
  * **Nothing like what you must have gone through**



Yeah  
**_[FoxyHustler has changed username to: OrangeLightning]_**  
The ZPD's been good to me, by and large  
I guess Judy bore the brunt of it

  * **Yeah**...



I'm riding her tiny coat-tails in more ways than one.  
**_[OrangeLightning has changed username to: FoxCopuli]_**

  * **What?**
  * **What even is that one?**



Fox Cop-uli!  
Because I'm a fox cop!  
It's a pun on "vox populi"?

  * **...no**
  * **doesn't work**



No respect! No respect at all for my genius

  * **Heh**
  * **Thanks for this, actually**
  * **I feel better now**
  * **Both for venting and for watching you be a dork**



Glad to be of service, Inspector!  
You're always free to bear witness to my idiocy

  * **Seriously, Nick**
  * **Thanks**  



  
**_ [FoxCopuli has changed username to: XxXSpicyNickXxX] _ **

  * **OKAY THEN BYE**



**_ [CMFox has logged off] _ **

:(


	4. Creeping Autumn.

_**[** **XxXSpicyNickXxX has logged on]** _

  * **Heh**
  * **Haven’t changed it back yet, huh?**



What?   
oh   
Right

_**[XxXSpicyNickXxX has changed username to: WildeN]** _

That expalins the weird looks I’ve been getting

  * **Nick, what’s wrong?**



?

  * **It’s not like you to overlook details like that**
  * **or miss the opportunity for more jokes.**
  * **Has your workload spiked lately?**



No. nothing like that  
wrok's been kinda quiet if anything  
we finally tracked down Wolf O;Donnell  
but we're just keepinh an eye on him for now

  * **Nick.**
  * **There were more typos in those four lines than every message you've ever sent me, combined.**



Okay, jeez, Mom  
I've been tired.  
Admittedl,y it doesn't help my case that there was definitely something I wanted to tell you that I can't remember...

  * **Is this a recent development?**



yeah  
never slept that well, but lat  
ely it's been worst

  * **Is the problem physical or mental?**



...maybe both?  
i think i'm getting weird dreams

  * **You think?**



yeah  
don't remember them  
but i always wake up uneasy

  * **That's a problem**
  * **You should inform your healthcare provider immediately. Do you have a dedicated doctor for the precinct?**



Whoa whoa whoa  
it's fine.

  * **It doesn't sound fine**



But it is.  
I've had it much worse. Back before... this  
my heathcare provider used to be a honey badger in a junkyard and believe me, I went as little as possible

  * **Things are different now. You need to take care of yourself**



Seriously. It's ntohing.  
Besdies, what am I gonna say? That my dreams are too scary?  
my medical insurance won't cover an exorcism

  * **Joking about the problem instead of solving it. Reminds me of someone I know**



Do not compare me to him.

  * **You leave me little recourse!**
  * **Ah, but maybe this is how I get you to go to the doctor**
  * **HE wouldn't go. But you're smarter than him, aren't you? >w>**



A transparent attempt, Insecptor  
(but a surprisingly cute emoitcon)  
I just think  
ZORRA

  * **Excuse me?!**



I just rememember the thing I was gonna say! Your nickname!  
Zorra!

  * **...Seriously?**



Yeah!  
I've met lots of todds and vixens  
but not many zorros or zorras  
I'm happy to have something tha captures your international appeal

  * **Nick.**



What?

  * **I appreciate the gesture**
  * **and I like the logic**
  * **but... it sounds very much like you have not thought this all the way through.**



Why not?

  * **Just,**
  * **Zoogle Translate "zorra" and check ALL the meanings**
  * **not just the literal one, the figurative ones too**



Okay  
...OH COME ON

  * **Yep.**



Why?!  
This is why we can't have nice things.  
And you... like every day, that's just... the word?

  * **Yes.**



God damn.  
Back to the stupid drawing board

  * **You really care about this nickname thing, don't you?**



Yeah  
I know it's dumb, but  
whatever nevermind

  * **Nick, remember what I said about honestly in relationships**
  * **Take it from me. Don't leave thoughts unsaid.**



okay  
It's just  
You've been really good to me and Judy  
and nicnknames are like, a way to show how close I am to someone  
So I want to do yourse right

  * **That's sweet, Nick. I'm honestly flattered :)**
  * **But don't sweat details like that so much**
  * **I don't care as long as we keep in touch**



but not "zorra"

  * **Zorra is on the No pile, yes**
  * **but broadly speaking**
  * **you can call me anything as long as you call me a friend ^w^**



that's.................the absolute cheesiest thing anyone has ever said  
ever.  
and coming from you it still sounds profound and wise

  * **My point exactly.**



Thanks, Carmelita.  
I'm really glad I know you.

  * **The feeling's mutual.**
  * **Listen, next month I'll be in the area**
  * **"in the area" in a very, very broad sense. Like, same continent**



heh

  * **But not an ocean away**
  * **For once**
  * **Just training some rookies. After I've finished that assignment, I'll take a few days off and swing by Zootopia**
  * **I'd really like to see you and Judy in the flesh**



oh, y'know  
don't change your plans or anything

  * **Don't you dare try to talk me out of this, Wilde**
  * **I have vacation days to burn and Zootopia is never hard to get to**
  * **I want to see more of this beautiful city**
  * **and more of my two great penpals!**



In that case, I don't think I can dissaude you  
Don't worry. I can show you all the worst parts of time  
*town  
the real crime hotspots

  * **fantastic**
  * **We'll catch up, have some drinks, maybe do something tourist-y**
  * **Or I can just follow you to work and show you how REAL policework is done >w>**



yes great idea  
you should come in and do all fo my work for me  
that'll really show me

  * **Uh huh**



Hey, Carmelita?

  * **Yes?**



Thanks.  
Sorry for being a jerk  
I appreciate your help

  * **Any time, Nick**
  * **It's what I'm here for ^w^**



^w^

**_ [WildeN has logged off] _ **

**_ [CMFox has logged off] _ **

**{ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR}**   
**{FATAL EXCEPTION IN DATABASE}**   
**{REBOOTING SECURITY BIOS}**   
**{...Access granted. Welcome, user QmxhY2tQaGFudGFzbQ==}**


End file.
